Lost And Insecure
by Skuzes
Summary: After taking off his mask, Dan doesn't know what normal is anymore. Will following Rorschach bring him an answer? Slash, Daniel/Rorschach ... Chapter Six: Daniel dreams, and tension is still thick. Also, erections?
1. Normal

A/N: So this ficcie started as a poem, based on an assignment my friend had in her English class (a normal day undermined by chaos), but the more I wrote, the more it seemed to me that this would work better as a narrative. So I redid it and this is what came out. My first attempt at a chaptered fic, and my first try at a longer Watchmen piece.  
I guess a warning should be said that this is going to be a slash story between Daniel and Rorschach (though you can probably tell as it is implied in this first chapter).  
_Daniel's thoughts are in italics._  
DISCLAIMER- I own nothing except the idea for this story, and the words that I write.

-

Dan was not quite sure what normal was anymore. He tried to have a normal routine, lead life like a normal person; but his old masked days kept trying to take him back.

There was always one nagging reason, one regret that Dan had for leading a normal life, a reason that he kept trying to ignore. But it's hard to ignore something when it keeps breaking into your house and eating your food.

Rorschach, always Rorschach. His former partner and (_former?_) best friend. Dan wanted to be angry with him for the intrusions into his house, **tried** to tell him to stop. But he welcomed Rorschach's visits, maybe even needed them. And Dan was afraid of what that meant.

-

Dan was out to buy groceries when he saw a familiar form slink into the darkness of an alley. He knew it was probably a mistake to follow, but he couldn't help himself; Dan never could when it came to Rorschach.

He tried to stay far enough behind that Rorschach wouldn't notice him following, though Dan suspected he'd noticed the moment he'd entered the alley. He tried to keep a safe distance though, just in case; he didn't know how Rorschach would react if (_when_) he caught Dan following him through the inner depths of the city.

Eventually Rorschach stopped when he came to a group of people. Dan hid behind a corner but peeked around to see what the other man was up to.

_A gang._ His stomach tied itself in knots; they had reached a dead end.

Dan didn't hear all that was said, save a few choice words (that he would rather not repeat), before the fighting started. There were so many of them, but Rorschach was giving them a run for their money. Until Dan heard a gasp, and a thud…and then the most sickening and terrifying laughter he'd ever heard.

Dan looked again, and he could barely keep himself from screaming. On the ground was Rorschach, a bloody mess, the remaining members of the gang circling him and laughing. _This is a nightmare, isn't it? Something like this could never happen to Rorschach, could it?_

Dan was shocked, he was sickened, but he didn't know what to do. He couldn't fight; he'd just end up on the ground next to his (_no, no, don't think of him as anything more_) friend. But then he heard it.

It was a whisper, a whimper. So soft it was barely audible over the gang. But Dan heard it, that single word, as it went right to his core and shook him from the inside.

"Daniel…"

And then, Dan snapped.

-

A/N: I know it's short but that's usually my style of writing... Also, a work in progress so I don't know when I can update, but I will try to update ASAP. Please read and review to tell me what you think!


	2. Memory Loss

A/N: Ohmygod, I love you all so much. I didn't think the first chapter would be so well received. I wasn't going to finish writing this chapter so soon but you have all motivated me.  
This chapter was supposed to be very angsty, I don't know how the end got fluffy, I swear. Heh.  
_Daniel's thoughts are in italics._  
Disclaimer- I own nothing except my own words, but I'm working on buying Rorry (because that will totally happen).

-

Dan sat slumped against a wall in the alley, his breathing shallow and ragged. Next to him sat Rorschach, clinging to Dan's side as if letting go would mean death, although he had clearly passed out some time ago. Dan was in a haze; he couldn't recall exactly how they'd come to be in this position, or anything else that happened in the alley. He tried to think of what to do with Rorschach.

Until he noticed the blood splattered on his clothes. Blood that wasn't his. And the bodies lying in the alley, killed in an absolutely brutal fashion; no mercy to be found in the scene.

Dan felt immediately sick, but he kept himself from heaving for Rorschach's sake. Who could do this? Not Rorschach; the gang had made certain he wouldn't be fighting for quite a while. Then that only left…

_Oh god. Please tell me I didn't do this…_

Dan remembered the gang, the fighting, and the terrible laughter before seeing Rorschach on the ground. He remembered hearing his name, barely a whisper, before and explosion went off inside him. And then…nothing. Nothing until sitting on the ground with his friend leaning against him.

He was mortified. Even in his masked days, Dan couldn't remember being so violent, so ruthless. Of course they deserved it. Anyone who hurt (_not mine, not mine_) Rorschach the way they had deserved it.

But at what cost to himself?

Dan was startled out of his thoughts as he felt Rorschach shift beside him. He studied his friend, noticing that his breathing became deeper and more even. _Maybe he's dreaming. If it weren't for the cuts and bruises, he'd look cu—peaceful._

It was then that Rorschach startled him again by talking in his sleep.

"Hurm…Daniel…"

_Fine. Cute._ And Dan couldn't help but smile, despite the situation. He could worry about himself, and recent events, later. For now he would concern himself with Rorschach.

This in mind, Dan got on his feet and scooped up Rorschach, cradling him in his arms. Making sure his passenger was secure, Dan began to make his way through the maze of dark alleys of dark alleys.

"Come on, let's get you home…"

-

A/N: What did you think? Reviews are much loved.


	3. Home

A/N: You have all been so kind and inspirational to me! I wouldn't be nearly this driven to write this fic if it weren't for your reviews.  
As always, _Daniel's thoughts are in italics.  
_Disclaimer- I own nothing, not even the cute lil chibi Daniels and Rorschachs I found on Photobucket. I'm just gonna go over to the corner and cry now...

-

Rorschach was a dead weight in Dan's arms, which made him a bit difficult to carry, but Dan decided this was better than him waking up and struggling. It still worried him, though; he'd never seen Rorschach knocked unconscious before. Hoping silently that he'd wake up soon, they finally reached the house.

Once inside, Dan carefully laid Rorschach on his bed, and debated what to do next. He knew he had to get the blood-soaked clothing off, but knew that Rorschach was likely to kill him if he woke up while Dan was working. He sighed and, deciding an angry Rorschach was better than a sticky Rorschach (Dan's stomach did flip flops at this thought), proceeded to remove the offending clothes.

Item by item Rorschach became more exposed, and Dan's heart beat a little bit faster. Dan had been imagining for a long time what this would be like. But in these fantasies, Rorschach was awake and complaisant, not unconscious and…broken. It made his heart break, but he kept reminding himself that Rorschach was alive, and he'd help make sure it stayed that way.

All that was left was the mask, the wife beater, and the pants. Dan considered removing the mask to see if there were any cuts or bruises on his face, but decided against it. The mask was the one article of clothing that, if removed, probably **would** result in his death. That left Rorschach's upper body and legs to check.

Dan hesitated. He needed to check the rest of Rorschach's body (_no, no, I don't want to_) but didn't want to invade his friend's privacy. This was going to be hard.

_Control yourself. Don't stare…_

He peeled off Rorschach's wife beater.

Dan drew in a breath sharply; littered across Rorschach's chest and torso were scars, old wounds that would never completely fade. Along with the scars were cuts and bruises, fresh from the fight with the gang. Dan felt his chest tighten and his fists clench.

_They deserved it._

He set about cleaning the wounds, carefully, so he wouldn't hurt the already tender flesh. As Dan worked, Rorschach would occasionally twitch and grunt in his sleep, but he never woke up. Dan didn't know if he should be grateful.

He then proceeded to dress Rorschach's wounds. Dan carefully applied bandages and wrapped them around Rorschach's torso. _That should be good for now. Now I need to check his legs…_

But Dan stopped. He studied his former partner, amazed at how helpless yet peaceful he looked. He touched his chest, ran his fingers over the scars to memorize every imperfection in the skin.

_Stop._ But he knew he would probably never get a chance like this again. He ran his hands over Rorschach's chest, enjoying the feel of the other man's skin on his own. _Stop, stop. You're taking advantage of him._

He paused, resting his hands on Rorschach's shoulders. Dan hesitated for just a second, before leaning down and kissing Rorschach's head. He slid his hands down Rorschach's arms and continued to lean over Rorschach, reveling in the closeness.

Until he felt the tensing of muscles in his hands, and a form squirming beneath him.

"Daniel?"

-

A/N: He's awake! What happens next? Hehe.  
I'm planning for the next chapter to be different, but you'll see how when it's published...your reviews feed my creativity and spirit.


	4. Was It A Dream?

A/N: Thirty one reviews. Holy freaking Buddha! You guys are amazing. So here's a new chappie for you. It was a lot of fun to write, but difficult. It came out different than I originally intended but I'm very happy with it and I hope you all are too.  
I warn you now, Rorschach gets OOC at the end. But keep in mind that this is a dream and it's all in his head. (Scandalous, I know.)  
_Rorschach's thoughts are in italics._  
Disclaimer- The story idea is mine, everything else belongs to people much more fortunate than I am.

-

It was dark. No, not dark. Black. Void. Rorschach panicked; where was Daniel?

_Know he followed, was watching. But alone now…_ Rorschach was no stranger to the dark; it was his true home. But there was something off about this darkness. It felt bad. Wrong.

But slowly the void changed. Buildings and roads appeared around him until he recognized the city around him. New York…but not New York.

_No people._

Rorschach walked the streets, strangely unnerved by the lack of people. Once, he thought the city was much too overcrowded, that things would be better with less people. But there was nobody, and there was something wrong with that.

_Must find Daniel._ He tried to walk to Daniel's house, but the streets seemed to go on forever. No matter which direction he walked, he would always come back to where he started. Rorschach's irritation built until he could no longer stand it, and he unleashed all of his fury in a punch to the wall of the nearest building.

Dust and chunks of brick flew everywhere. Rorschach examined his hand; not even a scrape broke the surface of his skin.

As he examined his hand he noticed a reflection in the building's window. Upon further inspection he saw it was his own—but no, it wasn't really him. It was Walter Kovacs who started at him from the glass. His hands immediately went to the hem of his mask, but found nothing.

_Never removed face. Something wrong with city. Must investigate further._

As he moved through the city again, another, seemingly more important thought repeated itself.

_Must find Daniel._

Rorschach thought of all the time they had spent as partners, and how Daniel was the closest friend he'd ever had. How he'd felt more at ease in the alley, knowing that Daniel was close behind him.

"Hurm…Daniel…"

Rorschach didn't like where this train of thought was going. _Must stop thinking about Daniel._

Suddenly his vision darkened again, and he panicked. The city disappeared around him until only the road he stood on remained, sinking into the horizon in both directions. A thin line of sunlight peeked above the ground, and stars dotted the still-dark sky.

He searched desperately around him for some kind of life, but there was nothing. Rorschach fell to his knees, feeling defeated.

_Why?_

It was then that a figure appeared on the horizon.

He scrambled to his feet and wiped the dust off his pants. The figure kept moving closer, and Rorschach wanted to walk towards it, but couldn't make himself move. So he stood, watched, as the figure slowly came into view.

His breath hitched. _Daniel._

He walked to Rorschach and stopped, gave him a small smile, and wrapped his arms around the smaller man. Rorschach gasped, and though part of him desperately wanted to push Daniel away, he still couldn't move.

His body began to shake. _Too close…Can't control…_

"Hey, it's okay…It's okay…to be Walter."

Rorschach closed his eyes, and felt a tear slide down his cheek.

"It's okay…to feel…"

_No. Wrong. Wrong._

No matter how hard he tried, Rorschach couldn't control his body. He felt his arms return Daniel's embrace, and his face bury itself in Daniel's shoulder as he silently cried.

_Weak._

Daniel pulled away slightly but kept his hands on Rorschach's arms. He smiled again…and then bent down to kiss Rorschach's head. They embraced again, stood together in the road, as Rorschach's vision swam with white and the world around him disappeared in a flash.

-

Rorschach was in a bed, unaware of how he got there. The last thing he remembered was the void, the empty city, the road (_Daniel_), and the flash of white. _All a dream?_

He then became aware that his shirt was missing. And that someone was holding his arms. His muscles tensed, and he tried to shake the person's hands off of him. When he opened his eyes, he was shocked at the person he saw leaning over him.

"Daniel?"

-

A/N: Hehe, you still don't know what happens when he wakes up. But I promise I'm working on it! I just got a job so updates may not be as fast but I will not abandon this story.  
Reviews are much loved!


	5. Questions

A/N: You guys are so amazing, I love all of your kind reviews, and motivation. I've been really busy the past few days, what with paperwork for work and PROM(!) shopping. But I used the little free time to write this chapter. And I had such horrible writer's block. But eventually I just sat down and wrote, and this came out. Please tell me if my Rorschach came out okay, I'm still getting used to writing him.  
No thoughts from Daniel this time, _but Rorschach's thoughts are in italics._  
Disclaimer- I don't own Watchmen...but my friend says he might buy me a Rorschach t-shirt. :D

-

Rorschach was not pleased. What had Daniel been doing to him? How long had he been on the bed, unclothed?

Why did he have the (_wrong, immoral_) urge to pull Daniel down and embrace him?

"I, uh, I'm glad you're finally awake…you were out for a while…I tried to dress your wounds…"

"Remove hands, Daniel."

"Oh. Um, sure…"

Rorschach sat up and surveyed the room. He was on Daniel's bed, his torso bare and wrapped with bandages. His clothes were tossed in a pile on the floor. Daniel sat in front of him on the bed, fidgeting and running his fingers through his hair nervously. It made Rorschach uncomfortable, but not more so than the exposed position he was currently in.

What bothered him most, though, was how it tingled where Daniel had been holding him…and that part of him liked that feeling.

_Wrong. Wrong. Need to get out, now._

He moved to get off the bed but his whole body screamed in agony. His mind, however, did not agree.

_Don't feel pain. Never feel pain._

But it coursed through his body as he struggled to move his limbs. Stars clouded his vision, and he bit his lip and squeezed his eyes shut to keep from crying out. _No pain._ His body began to betray him, and he had to steady himself by grabbing a banister.

_No. Pain._

"Rorschach…stop…"

He turned his head sharply at his friend's voice. Daniel was still nervous, hesitant, but now it was mostly worry he saw in the other man's eyes. Rorschach looked away and closed his eyes. _Not Walter. Not weak. Not affected by sin._

"Come on, man…you're beat up pretty bad…you need to rest."

Rorschach leaned against the headboard as he could no longer support his own weight. He glanced at Daniel, watched the emotions playing across his face. Looked down at Daniel's hands, and imagined them on his arms again.

_Wrong! Need to get out._

But his mouth seemed to not be listening.

"Hurm. Fine."

Daniel smiled at him, the first real smile he'd made since retiring his mask. His reaction unnerved Rorschach, but it also sent a warmth through him, made him feel secure. And that made him disgusted with himself.

_Not okay to be Walter, to be sinful._

But he made no movement, no reaction, and Daniel became worried again. He reached out to his former partner, but stopped short of touching him.

"Rorschach…?"

Rorschach flinched and tried to move further away. "Don't touch, Daniel."

Daniel pulled his hand away. "I…I'm sorry. I didn't mean to…well…"

"Took advantage."

"…I know. I know, it was wrong, I was putting bandages on you, and…and…I couldn't help…I, um—"

"Why?"

"I—something came over me, I never meant to invade your personal space, and—"

"No."

"Huh?"

"Followed me, in alley. Why?"

"Oh." Daniel looked flustered. Like he wasn't sure how to answer. "I…I wanted to see what you were doing. Help, if I needed to. Which I did."

Rorschach considered this. It was a plausible story, probably true. But there was something Daniel wasn't telling him, something more. And there was something that he (_no, Walter_) secretly hoped was true.

"Would appreciate full truth, Daniel."

Daniel nervously began to play with his hands and looked down. "If I told you…there would be nothing I could say to keep you from leaving."

Rorschach felt his heart begin to race. The small part of his mind that he now recognized as remnants of Walter, wanted to tell Daniel that he'd never ever leave him. But the rational part, Rorschach, quickly squashed that thought. _Wrong. Sin._ He wanted to run, but how? Daniel was right, he needed rest. So he remained silent, and stared down at the bed.

When it became apparent that Rorschach wasn't going to respond, Daniel sighed and got off the bed. When he reached the doorway he turned around and glanced at Rorschach. "Listen, you can stay in my room while you're healing…No complaints, I don't mind taking the couch." He smiled a bit. "I'm going to sleep now, but I'll check on you in the morning. Let me know if you need anything." He turned and made to exit the room.

"Daniel?"

He turned to look at his former partner. "Yeah?"

"Shouldn't have quit."

He gave a small, sad smile. "I know." And then he left the room, shutting the door behind him.

-

A/N: Ohmygod dialogue! WOW. Hehe. Please tell me what you think, reviews are much loved.


	6. Three Birds With One Stone

A/N: Ohmygod, I'm so sorry it's been a long time since my last update! Between school and the new job and prom my whole life lately has been... a clusterfuck. But no fear, as I just finished this chapter and it is now here for your reading pleasure. :) This one is longer than the others as well. I hope you guys enjoy!

Warnings this time of language and references to male arousal (OHMYGODNOWAY).

As is often the case, _Daniel's thoughts are in italics._

Disclaimer: Is Watchmen mine yet? ...aw, really? Then can I have plushy Rorschach and Danny? ...no? Then I'll just go into a corner and cry now...

-

Dan was lying on his couch trying to fall asleep, when he noticed a figure standing at his bedroom door. Staring at him. At least he thought it was; everything was fuzzy without his glasses so it was hard to tell. It could be the ghost of Christmas past or someone who broke into his house, but Dan couldn't care less because he was tired.

It moved towards him and sat on the couch by his feet. It's breathing was short and ragged; Dan recognized it immediately.

"Rorschach?"

"Hurm."

Dan sat up and looked at the form sitting beside him. "You shouldn't be out of bed." Rorschach didn't move. Dan sighed. "Come on, man… You agreed to stay here so you could rest. Lay down." His response was a grunt. Dan sighed again. "Please?"

"…Fine."

_Finally._ He lay back down, content that Rorschach would be going back to bed. But he soon let out a startled yelp when instead of getting up, he felt Rorschach lower himself on top of him. Felt one of Rorschach's hands settle on his chest.

His heart beat wildly and nearly burst from his chest. "Rorschach…? What… What are you—?"

"Not Rorschach."

"Huh?"

"Not my name."

Slowly Rorschach sat up, Dan moving with him. He studied the man beside him, both nervous and excited about his odd behavior.

He watched as Rorschach carefully removed his mask.

_Shit! Why does it have to be so dark? Why can't I be wearing my glasses?_

Rorschach moved closer, allowing Dan to make out a bit of the familiar lower half of his face. Dan bit his lip. _Does he want me to ask…? I guess…it's now or never…_

"What's your name, then?"

Rorschach moved closer to Dan until their faces were pressed together, his mouth to Dan's ear. Dan could feel rough stubble against his skin and it exhilarated him.

"Daniel…My name is…

Is…"

And then Dan awoke with a start.

He groaned; his body was covered in sweat and he could feel the stiffness between his thighs. He sat up and looked around him; Rorschach was nowhere to be found.

_Should have known it was too good to be real…_

As Dan thought about his dream, he became increasingly aware of his growing erection. _Really, really not the time for this._

The urge to go into the bedroom and check on Rorschach was strong, but he restrained himself, knowing that any intrusion on his friend would only thicken the tension between them; any wrong move and Rorschach would run away from him. Dan had already made a mistake in the bedroom and he had no intention of giving the other man an excuse to leave.

_The bedroom._ He felt another stirring in his groin. He groaned and lay back down on the couch; it was impossible to relieve himself in the open space of the living room. While Dan had fleetingly considered going into the bathroom, he knew that Rorschach would probably wake up and hear him; and so he resigned himself to the fact that he would have to fall asleep with his burning need still distracting him.

Dan fell asleep imagining the feel of Rorschach in his arms.

--

Upon awaking, Dan became aware of two things: first was that someone had draped a blanket on him sometime during the night. Second was that someone was rummaging through his kitchen. He sat up groggily and fumbled for his glasses. "Rorschach?"

A soft 'hurm' came from the kitchen.

"Rorschach, you shouldn't be out of bed. You need to rest."

"Feel fine."

_Bullshit._ But Dan held his tongue.

Rorschach came out of the kitchen with a mug of coffee and a handful of sugar cubes. Dan fidgeted as Rorschach sat on the far end of the couch and watched as he carefully dropped the sugar cubes into his coffee, one after another. The tension from the night before was just as thick between them. Dan decided to test the waters with a simple question.

"Did you put the blanket over me?"

Rorschach nodded as he pulled his mask up above his mouth. "Could hear you in your sleep. Seemed… Restless." He took a sip of his coffee.

"Oh. Well… Thanks." He mulled over his thoughts for a moment. "You shouldn't have gotten out of bed."

"Hurm. Don't need to be mother hen, Daniel. Can take care of myself."

Dan gave Rorschach a pointed look. "If I hadn't pushed you to stay, you would have gone out and gotten yourself killed. You need to know your limits."

"Can't have limits. Scum doesn't rest when I do."

Daniel hung his head and sighed; he should have known Rorschach would be this difficult.

They continued to sit in silence as the tension settled in again. Dan stared at the floor and occasionally stole looks at Rorschach, just sitting and sipping his coffee. Suddenly a question popped into Dan's head, and it was out of his mouth before he could stop himself.

"Rorschach, what's your name?"

He looked up barely a second before going back to his coffee. "Know my name, Daniel."

"No… I mean… Your real name."

Rorschach sat his mug on the coffee table. "Not important."

"It's just a simple question… I mean, you know my name, and—" He stopped talking when a low growl came from the other man.

"Don't push, Daniel."

"I, um. I didn't mean… I just, well, what's the big deal?"

In an instant Rorschach was on him, pinning his body against the couch with surprising force. The growling deepened.

"Drop. Subject."

Images from his dream flooded Dan's mind. Despite the slight surprise and fear running through him, he could feel himself getting hard again.

_Fuck! He's going to feel… He's going to run away…_

And then Rorschach's noises ceased. He cocked his head to the side in an almost questioning manner before realization seemed to dawn on him. He straightened up and growled again.

"Wrong, Daniel!"

Dan looked away and closed his eyes. "I know."

"Supposed to be good…pure."

"I know."

"Why?"

"I… I don't know. I just…"

But Dan was cut short when Rorschach began shaking violently before collapsing on top of him. He yelped in surprise at the form suddenly pressed completely against him.

"Rorschach!" _Please be okay._ "Come on… I knew you weren't ready to be out of bed…" He put his arms around the smaller man and began to scoop him up.

"Daniel…"

"Shush. We can talk about this later, I promise. But now you need to rest."

Slowly, he felt Rorschach relax in his arms. Dan smiled and rose from the couch, his friend in his arms. "Okay, good. Now let's get you back to bed…"

-

A/N: Oh noez! Rorschach is not better overnight and he's not being very slashy (except in Danny's head)? Never fear; next chapter I plan to explore Rorschach's thoughts and feelings about his stay at Danny's. I'd like to promise to get it up soon but I've got a lot of finals coming up so I don't know...but I can promise that I'll work on it every chance I get.

Reviews make me feels loved; flames make me think you're stupid (but luckily I haven't had that problem yet). :)


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